The Thirst Games

Created by:
Christian Hughes
Brandon Anderson
Chad Cowling
Emily D'adam

   Nuclear Holocaust. A scary idea, right? Well we stole it. Welcome to The Thirst Games. First, you should learn our history. Hundreds of years ago, there was a nuclear war of the 13 regions against the Capital. The Capital one, and the 13th region was destroyed. Now, every year, a male and female "volunteer" from all of the 12 remaining regions are forced to fight to the death in The Thirst Games. No one really knows why The Thirst Games got that name, because there is plenty of food and water to be found, but that's just the way things are. The only person to ever ask, Jim, was drowned in whipped cream. Besides for The Thirst Games, the Capital is pretty rude to the regions and like to publicly flog people with wet noodles for hours on end as a form of entertainment. And that's why we're here, in what is left of region 13, An underground bunker filled with weapons, nuclear bombs, Anti Air cannons, and plenty of food and water that is somehow never noticed despite flying multiple aircraft out of the mountain on a weekly basis. Cleetus, La-A, and I, Bo-Bob, plan on invading the Thirst Games, which are also idiotically named since noone ever dies of thirst, but usually a sword or spear to the face. They should name it The Spear Games instead.  We will be accompanied by Jim, who we rescued from his sweet creamy death without the Capital noticing, despite requiring nearly 100 soldiers and multiple aircraft that are incredibly loud for being named "Stealth Planes." Our mission is to take out the head of the Capital, Shi-Thead, and all of his high council for their transgressions. Every 25 years, there is a "Special Games" which would make you think it is like the Special Olympics, but no. It is with some random, and usually idiotic, scenario put in place. This year, the scenario is that in the middle of the Arena, Shi-Thead and all of his high council will be having a pool party that none of the contestants are allowed near. Due to the metal detectors, we will have to sneak into the pool party armed with nothing but plastic spoons to kill Shi-Thead, since he outlawed plastic knives last year.

   We expect little opposition, since Shi-Thead is a serious jerk and liar. He brags about how good he is, yet every pretty woman in the Capital says he is rather disappointing and horrible. His favorite pass time is getting drunk at bars and flirting with literally everyone, even the guys, then hanging anyone who doesn't flirt with him. He doesn't even hang people properly, he hangs them with twine, it generally takes 5 tries to even start to effect the person being hanged. After the 8th or so attempt, he just has the person shot to death with water guns filled with battery acid. Just last week, he had one of his high council thrown off of a 5 foot ledge repeatedly until the 12 year old boy died, just because he ate the last slice of pepperoni pizza. There was plenty of hamburger pizza left. Two months ago, he had everyone on his high council executed by being forced to watch the same episode of Dora The Explorer until they killed themselves. This was simply for forgetting it was the day he wanted a surprise birthday party, the surprise part being that his birthday we four months ago. He also enjoys doing small pranks on people, like leaving buckets filled with wet cement over doors, putting a sock over their exhaust port, and once even letting a group of starving tigers into an abandoned house that someone was illegally inside of. Last year alone, he had 65,960 people killed for fun. They were all killed by their butts being sealed close with fire and then dieing slowly of constipation. Even some of the wives of his own guards. Due to this, we hope to be able to easily beat him to death with the spoons and that the guards won't retaliate, but if they do we have Plan B. Fire bombing the entire Capital.

   "The entry plan is the hardest part" said Shaniqua to us, as we sat in the briefing room. "There will be 5 stealth jets flying in and blowing a giant hole in a wall. But that has nothing to do with your part of the plan, you all have been given fake invitations to the Special Games. Those will get you through the door, then all you have to do is find Shi-Thead and start beating him with the plastic spoons. He is old and fat, so he can't run or fight back, it should be a really easy job. After you beat him to death, calmly walk out the front door where you will be flown away and back here safely. And if you aren't done within 10 minutes or anything goes wrong, we are just going to firebomb the entirety of the Capital. Even our own soldiers for whatever stupid reason. Got it?" "Yes ma'am" replied the 4 of us in unison. "But wait," asked Jim "Why are there going to be soldiers there if we are just taking out Shi-Thead?" "All of the citizens of the capital are criminals, so we are going to completely take over the Capital and kill their entire army that isn't secretly members of our army. We will then set up our own government which won't be much different than the last, but this time instead of one jerk in charge, we have a staff of eight people who will be put in charge, with a possible ninth spot in case someone's little sister gets blown up by their best friend right in front of them with really badly timed firebombs." replied Shaniqua. "Well why not just shoot Shi-Thead? Why this overly risky plan that could get all four of us killed?" Asked Cleetus. "Well, it'd be really funny to watch the footage of someone being beaten to death by a spoon so we need you four to complete your mission. No more questions! Time to head out and get to work!" finished Shaniqua.